Lost

Just spent time writing a new post, the phone rang, I went to help my friend find some info on the internet, accidentally closed the Blogger window and POOF - gone.  Time gone, thoughts gone, post gone.

Kind of a metaphor for how helping too much goes.

When I help

When I help my adult children, am I really helping?  Or am I crippling them? Is my help a sop to my vanity?  Or is it a sincere effort to lift them up?  Are my ideas of how to live life even relevant to their lives?  Sometime I think it is time for me to go off to the forest and live a hermit's life and let my kids fend for themselves.  After all, they are in their 30's, they should have a clue by now.

Too Bad I Can't Drive and Write

When I'm driving in my car, I can think of a million topics for blogging.  I sort and edit and drill down to the meat of the subjects.  When I'm confronted with a big white screen and a row of tools, all my pithy remarks go poof.

Lately I've been pondering how much I did like how things were done in the past.  I don't want to do away with computers and smart phones and beautiful HDTV, but I miss the human touch of "the olden days."  I liked dialing "O" for operator and getting a human - not a phone tree.  I liked calling my local newspaper and the person answering had my accent and was located in my town; not the Philippines.  There was better connection with local human interaction, instead of computers and far away helpers.  There is something nice about being able to say "did it rain at your house" as a conversation starter and know that the person on the other end lives, just like you, in an area that just had thunderstorms roll through after months of drought.

The local human touch seems to have gone poof.

Bedeviled is how I feel when dealing with government employees and agencies.  I feel mired in a point of view that doesn't seem to care about my limited resources of time and money.  They can spin wheels, and ask minute questions, and re-convein meetings to read documents, while I am paying with my hard earned time and money.

My days a filled already.  How am I to carve time for these intrusive investigations?  And what is the outcome to be?  I do my paperwork truthfully and as carefully as I can.  I have no extra funds, but they seem bent on pursuing me.

As I child I read a story about Brier Rabbit and how he got stuck in a Brier patch by a tar baby.  The more he pushed and pulled to get free, the deeper he was sucked in.  While the story is little told in these days of political correctness, that is exactly how I feel.  I am Brier Rabbit and the government is the Tar Baby.  If I fight or defend myself, I will be sucked deeper and deeper until I disappear in the tar patch.

Re-start

Writing was a joy.  It was like painting with words.  Once upon a time words had color and texture.  Laying them on a page made me pause as I teased out the images I wanted to share.

Today I was driving and listening to NPR as they talked about politics in Chicago and then in Washington D.C.  Later a program came on about Sacramento political doings.  A few days ago I read a blog about Advertising and how it started with the snake in the Garden of Eden.  All this spinning of ideas and words - it all gives me a giant headache.  Words used to feel friendly.  Now I feel like they are something to be wary of.

Fine print - be ware

Trust me - be ware

News - be ware

Words from the mouth of any one over the age of 7 - be ware

How to find friendly words again?

Set the example - tell the truth

Say what you feel

Say when you don't know

Ask  and then LISTEN

After 60 + years of "just winging it,"  I've decided to create an owners manual for my body.  I don't seem to be taking very good care of it and it's letting me know with a variety of aches and pains.  I've started with this blog - that's the brain food.  I'm logging my intake and out put for a week to see if there are trends.  I've made a check up appointment with my doctor and am creating a list of questions.

I've exercised and dieted before to achieve a "look."  Health as a goal was always lip service - want I really wanted was to be slim.  NOW  I want health -  GOOD HEALTH.

If you can think of questions I should ask, actions I should take, please let me know.

This is the most serious I've been.

Back - if I'm bothering you, sorry

I started this blog because I thought it would be great to be accountable to the great "out there" for a daily or almost daily journal.  I stopped because I don't seem to know how the control panel of this works and when I was posting, I was bothering some people. How they got my posts, I have no clue, but they did.   They didn't want to be bothered with my thoughts and feelings.

I'm starting again.  I need an outlet and a sounding board.  You, the big "OUT THERE" are it.  If you get this and don't want it - let me know.  Or, maybe you could just delete me and go about your day.  If you put me in your junk file or filter - I'm not insulted, actually I probably won't even know.

I need a new beginning.  My body is aging and I need a way to be accountable to keep me moving and growing and thinking so that I don't rust.  Body with rust is bad!