My next life

When I find myself up against a wall of desire vs reality, I find that I earmark the desire for my next life.  I have a strong streak of responsibility.  When I make a promise, I do my very best to live up to the promise.  When I was younger, I used to say “when I grow up . . . “  but now people look at me oddly when I say that.  I’ve substituted the phrase “in my next life . . “  

In my next life, I’m going to travel around the world; I’m going to dance on tables - or at least around them; I’m going to sing in tune; I’m going to say what I think, not what I think people want to hear; I’m going to work to build a happy peaceful world where everyone is valued and cherished.  (don’t tell - but I think I might start to practice some of this stuff this time around - just so I’ll get it right - in my next life.)

Parents vs Grandparents

Well, I’m both.  In my mind, being a parent meant forming a little being into a person who has good character and will be a benefit to society.  I felt a very very strong compulsion to model what I thought was good behavior.  I worried over every deviation and tried to discern if it was something that might explode into a “problem.”  I was sure that my task was to “Raise” good people. It was/is my responsibility.

Being a grandparent, I don’t feel any of that responsibility.  I am compelled now to celebrate the individual in my grandchildren.  I don’t care about what they eat, what time they go to bed, or what letters are on their report cards.  I do care that they enjoy life.  I care that they feel loved.  I want them to explore the world and find it and themselves good.  I am a Gram that is a cheerleader for her grandkids and our world.

I love being a grandparent.  I’m not so enthusiastic about parenthood.  I wanted and love my children.  I think they are really nice people.  I wish I could be their Gram instead of their Mom - it sure would be a lot more fun!

P.S.  2, 4, 6, 8 who do we appreciate - Go Giants!!

When I was young, I was just me.  I was more honest in my interactions and reactions with the world.  I remember wanting a library card so that I could choose my own books.  It was my goal.  I worked so hard at learning to write my name and address so that I could fill out the application.  No one stood over me.  No one pushed or pulled or prodded.  It was just me and the library and a piece of paper.  After many tries, I finally was able to write the information so that the librarian could read it.  I was proud - not that I filled out the paper - but that I could pick out books.  I still remember the light slanting in through the high windows of the library down onto the floor between the stacks.  I sat on the floor riffling through the shelf weighting the merits of this book versus that.  I count that as a shinny bright memory bead on the necklace of my life.  I was four.

The world is wonderful - it's full of great people and fine places.  Today I got the chance to stroll down memory lane while enjoying the company and views of a wonderful old/new friend.  The weather was perfect.  Our city by the bay was warm, wonderful and magical.  I traveled down old streets where a young me grew up.  They were changed, but the same.  Today's bright penny was finding that friendship can be interrupted, but not lost.  

Remember the night before Christmas, or the day before your birthday when you know you're going to get a wonderful present, but you don't know what it is?  That's how I feel, that great sense of anticipation of something good.  Tomorrow I'm going to meet up with a friend from the past.  

Those were the days, my friend
We thought they'd never end
We'd sing and dance forever and a day
We'd live the life we choose
We'd fight and never lose
For we were young and sure to have our way
La la la la la la
La la la la la la

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/m/mary_hopkin/#share

I don't like politics - if it means people bashing each other.  I just want to know what the issues are and where the individuals stand on the issues.  Bashing isn't necessary.

Living together is political.  A family is political.  It is about negotiating and influencing each other for the best outcomes for all.  Our large family - our country needs to be encouraged and the good highlighted.  We need strong support for our USA family. I want a president who is a cheerleader for all our citizens.  

Long days, I don't know how to fit in all I want to do.  I start in one direction and end up in a totally different place.  Up before dawn and out to the new plant to turn on the ice machine.  It doesn't work.  Figure I'm going to need to get the electrician out to fix it.  Back to move my computer and files.  Back to the plant to wait and work. 

Ice machine fixed about 3 pm, but new problem found - a bulge in the ceiling - ?????? contractor comes and figures the potential cause and solution. . . wait and see.  Home and find that the trees were trimmed way more than I expected.  It kind of feels like a woman with a too short skirt.  Can't paste the branches back.  

Dinner - nice petrale sole - the benefit of the business.  Back to the plant to turn off the ice machines - fill the van with gas - high high prices.  Back to check the orders and do more paperwork.  Now it's 8pm and I'm just trying to write something and all I can do is a recap of the day.